Baby Post

Well, I made it "facebook official;" so, how about making it "blog official?" :-)

March 23rd
I found out I was pregnant this morning.  I can't explain it, but I just knew I was going to have a December baby.  When I took the test, I waited for the line, knowing it would appear (I'm not even 4 weeks pregnant yet).  Weird, huh?  We had to go to Jackson today for my cousin's wedding shower and it was hard not to tell everyone.  We are having Easter at our house with both families; so, we want to do it with everyone together.  I can't think of a more appropriate day to announce new life then on the day we celebrate our Lord's resurrection and the new life He gives us.

I have to say, I'm not scared.  I didn't know how I'd feel with getting pregnant again after the MC.  I am calm, peaceful and excited.  I'm not in denial that another MC wouldn't happen, but, no matter how long this baby's life is, it deserves to be celebrated.  And that is what we'll do.  We will continue to hold on to the promise that God has good things planned for our future. 

March 31st (Easter Sunday)
We had both of our families over for Easter and planned to tell them.  I wasn't even 5 weeks yet, but when is the right time to tell?  I mean, if I had another MC, I'd want them to know I was pregnant before telling them.  So, Max and I made Easter cards for the grandparents that announced the news.

They, of course, were excited, but I was nervous about telling everyone.  I didn't want to get everyone excited and then sad again if something did happen.  You see, for me, there is no real "safe zone" of when to announce the news.  I've been on quite a journey since miscarrying in December.  I had a full clotting panel done and found out I have a genetic condition that could cause MC.  It's pretty complicated, but long story short, my body has trouble breaking down synthetic (man made) B vitamins.  It has been fascinating to learn how much B vitamins do for the body.  Folate (B9) reduces toxins in the body, prevents neural tube defects and regulates homecysteine (among other things).  The last 2 are critical in pregnancy.  If homocysteine levels are high, there is a great risk for blood clots.  Women with this condition not only have early losses, but losses as late as 38 weeks, due to clots in the placenta or umbilical cord.  The thing that really stinks about this condition is that is was discovered in the late 90s, so there is little research out there.  Every dr / specialist / pharmacist has a different opinion on how to treat it, if at all.   So, I have had to self advocate and pretty much come up with my own plan.  This is not too big of a deal if we are just talking about my health, but we're talking about my baby's life.

My plan is simple right now:  I take a bio active form of B vitamins.  My body can absorb these better than synthetics.  You know what's amazing?  The health issues I've had for about the last 10 years have improved since taking them.  Insomnia, cyclical depression, anxiety . . . either written off in the past as "just getting older" or being told to take an oral contraceptive . . . have all been related to a B vitamin deficiency!  I always knew there was a reason, but no one was willing to really try to get to the root of the problem.  Other options I have during pregnancy are to take a baby aspirin or to get on prescription blood thinners.  I am hoping that taking the right form of folate for my body is going to regulate my homocysteine; therefore, negating the need for a blood thinner.  Time will tell.  It's all trial and error, which is really tough for this accountant who is used to 2+2 equaling 4.  I am trying to remain calm and not read too much.  ;) 

April 10th (6 weeks)

I went in last week for a series of blood tests for my peace of mind.  My progesterone is good (at 21) and my hcg levels are increasing like they should.  We have been really busy the last few weeks, which is good - not much time to sit around and worry.  I haven't been feeling too bad yet.  Nausea here and there - though, I did throw up this morning.  I have a totally different view of the nausea now.  MC does that to you.  It changes the perspective of a lot of things. 

May 21st (Weeks 7 - 12)

We have had a really busy spring, which has been good for me.  I had an ultra-sound at 8 weeks and saw a strong heartbeat!  To tell you the truth, though, I wasn't super relieved.  Our last baby died at 9.5 weeks; so, I knew I wouldn't have peace until I reached that point.  Well, at 9.5 weeks, my symptoms started to subside, just like with the last pregnancy.  It was awful and I was a mess.  The calm and peaceful feelings when I first found out?  Yeah, those were gone.  I was detaching from this pregnancy and it wasn't healthy.  Boy, MC created feelings in me that I never expected.  It was a really hard time for me and I am so grateful for close friends and family who listened without judgement, gently encouraged me and, most importantly, accepted me for who I am and where I'm at in life right now. 

I had a prenatal appt on May 13 (10.5 weeks).  The first thing my CNM did was get out the doppler to try to find the heartbeat.  She found it right away!  PTL!  We first heard Max's HB on Dec 8th - the feast of the Immaculate Conception - and now heard this baby's on the feast of Our Lady of Fatima.  Surely, our mother in Heaven is watching over these babies.  At 11 weeks, I was able to easily find the baby's HB with my doppler and yesterday (5/20), I was even able to hear some kicks.  I am starting to let my guard down and finally starting to feel like this is real. 

June 18th (Weeks 13-15)

Right around The 1st of June my nausea almost completely went away.  I'm not used to this, since I was sick with Max throughout the entire pregnancy.  Again, thank the lord for the doppler.  I haven't been able to feel the baby much yet, which surprises me.  Again, comparing to Max's pregnancy, I felt him at 16 weeks; I thought for sure I'd feel lots of movement by now, since "they" say you feel the baby earlier in subsequent pregnancies.  At this point, I still can't tell if it's the baby for sure or just gas.  ;-)  Had a prenatal appt at 15 weeks.  Everything is looking wonderful!  Got the anatomy scan scheduled for the 2nd week of July.  Boy or girl?  We shall see!